feELinG soMeThiNG

I keep moving day to day feeling a little bit like there's some kind of X-factor that I can't quite put my finger on. It's kind of like there's something in my peripheries and I can't move my head and my eyes can't quite reach it. So I have to turn my whole body to try to see it; but it remains elusive.

I wonder what it is?

I think that whatever it is will be something good. It's more than time for something really good to come along.

I have been pretty lonely [Mitch excluded] out here since I've moved.
My friends, family, and dog have been severely lacking out here and it would be really great to fulfill the section of my life that has exaggerated my rainy mood: the EPIC JOB HUNT!

Huh! I'm going to go ahead and hope because I think it'll happen very very soon!

[Wow, my positive attitude is coming back. Feels good.] :D

dEnSe, dArK fOrEst & oVeRGroWtH

mY liStEn: the fear [lily allen]; undiscovered [James Morrison]; stand in the rain [Superchick]

mY rEaD: the element [Ken Robinson, Ph.D.]

mY tHinK: confusion and no idea where i'm walking

I woke up this morning after a fragmented sleep. I realize that I keep waking up, lately, with a confused and uninspired attitude. Without a job (and, therefore, that being my ultimate job for the day) I find that I do not know where to begin. I have no classes to attend, no job to go to, no interviews, no friends or family to visit and convince them to console my self pity.

I feel like I'm just constantly waiting. Waiting for a call, interview, SOMETHING to happen. Weeks have passed and I do not feel that sense of moving. Moving through time--I keep thinking that it is the end of May where I last moved and have since seemed to remain stagnant in my life. But, at the same time, I feel that something big is coming. I just don't know what it is. strange

Is there such a thing as having too much expectation? I kind of think so. I almost called it hope but I realize that hope and expectation are not the same, or are they close to the same? I don't think so: hope seems to lead to a feeling of wanting it to happen while expectation seems to lead to a feeling of it definitely happening with a matter of when [although we're really to impatient to think so realistically about the matter of when because it could be a while.]

Back to my point about expectation though. I think that if we expect so soon and so often then we forget about the other opportunities that are staring us down.

I'm reading this book called The Element [Ken Robinson, Ph.D.] The book discusses a lot about finding your passion and basically how drawing outside the lines can help one realize one's potential. It is not always easy and not always conventional but it works for the specific person.

What I like is that it does not necessarily say that we've all got it completely wrong but that the conventional way of functioning is not right for everyone and stiffling someone's different intellect and creativity can restrict something amazing. I'm only on chapter three so maybe the message [or my interpretation rather] will change a little bit. I find that it is fantastically interesting though. I recommend it if for no other reason than to talk to me about it. :)

Have you ever felt like you do not know quite where you're walking? Not in the literal sense necessarily. "They" say that we're all on different "paths", indicating that we are perhaps walking these paths. So if that is the metaphor for our lives then, how would you talk about a person who has no idea where they're going, what path they're on now, what path they're taking next, where they just were a path ago? This is what I am referring to when I say that I am walking with no idea where I'm walking.

I am a little afraid to admit that I am unsure of the previous path that I was on last week and I am unsure of the one I am on now or if I will change spontaneously [and soon] without realizing the difference.

Right now, it is as though I am walking through a dark, dense forest. It all appears to be pretty much the same so I don't feel like I'm going very far or maybe I'm just turning circles. I cannot tell what is ahead and another path may go unnoticed because it is overgrown with vegetation; so I keep following the same worn path, not realizing that there is something else to be discovered.

hmmmm... I'm going to have to ponder that some more.

That is definatly the best analogy for where I am right now.

Maybe I should work on that :[

I'm going for now. Let me in on your thoughts.

kAYLe!

wHeW! i'M bAcK anD tHis miGhT bE loNG!

Hello, I promised that I would start back up again so here I am. Honestly, it's kind of a relief because now I can dish about everything that's been going down without censure [or at least much!] As mentioned [via the title] this may take awhile; however, for your convenience I have headlined each occurrence to make it easier to navigate [hopefully].

UNO: mooooooVED!

I'm sure you remember that I have moved. It was a pain to crush everything into my car but somehow it worked, even if I still have a storage-full of stuff back in Wyoming and I missed a few boxes that didn't fit. We're [my boyfriend and I] are living with his parents, which is a huge challenge in and of itself but it means no rent to pay which is excellent because of my jobless status.

DEUX: jobless

As I just mentioned, I am jobless. It sucks and I am so terribly NAUSEOUS of it ["sick" didn't seem to cover it]. I'm trying to preservere but it is terribly difficult to do so when all the other stress piles itself on top.

THREE: ice skating

For the first time in a few years I went ice skating with my boyfriend's dad who plays hockey locally. I was on rental skates which were in desperate need of sharpening and kept launching my feet in directions opposite of where I was directing them. I had Epiphany #1 here: the human body is amazing! I somehow managed not to fall more than once of the 50 times possible. My reaction to the impending falls launched my arms out and up in ways which seemed to be reaching for someone to help keep me from fall, the way a child reaches up to the adult when she is about to fall. Kind of crazy but I sort of think we're reaching for our guardian angles. The single fall I did make was a kind of shock to me because I don't even know what happened and when I realized what had happened I realized that my toes were pointed and it looked almost as though I had done it on purpose. interesting...

So I cannot think of what else to say for now so I'm going to leave the info at that. I don't know if that was really all that long but I suppose it doesn't matter. I didn't want to lose anyone because of my rambling. I will write again as soon as I am inspired! Perhaps I'll even let you in on my bigger epiphany tomorrow. :]

uNtiL thE suMMeR...oR gEt tiMe soMeHoW

My blog will not be updated for about a month and a half or so.
The class assignment is over and I'm so rediculously busy that it isn't even funny. I know that some of you are in the same situation and understand and are glad that you don't have to pretend to be interested anymore! (hehehehe) just kidding...but really

I'm addicted to the blog now, however, and so I will be back.
I'll miss it until then. And the results of the withdrawal will be the only thing that will make me want to come back...even though I should be reading for Dr. Patton's class! and studying for
Dr. Lawson-Borders' test!!!! So I will have to remain strong...but maybe give in sometimes...don't count on it though!

I shall miss thee!

Au Revoir! [french for goodbye] OR au bien tot! [see you later]
i may not have spelled them correctly but you get what i'm going for!

kAYLe!

a pOsT foR fRiEndS

Friends are a ver special part of anybody's life. They give you an outlet, they are there when they need you and they give advice...not always the best (or even good advice) but usually helpful advice, at least a new perspective to consider.

My girl friends are great. (Sister, I'm excluding you okay? We're friend and sister simultaneously but you got a whole paragraph earlier :}) <-----hahahahaha it looks like the smilely face has a mustache!!!! Anyways, I have a specfic girl friend who I talk about everything with. We have covered, I think, every topic. All of my girl friends are great. All the girl friends I've ever had have been great for the time that they were my friend. Some of us have moved on.

Guy friends are also great. The two who live together, and you know who you are, dropped everything and without question said yes when I asked if they would come to Denver for my birthday. That's pretty incredible.

That said, I'd like to introduce, I Love You Man, the movie that is out in theatres. I'm not going to give anything away, or even analyze it because I think that everyone should see it first (and I know that most of my following hasn't yet).
What I want to point out from the movie (that the trailer puts across on its own) is that Paul Rudd's character was trying to find a best friend to fill the best man spot at his upcoming wedding. He goes through all kinds of shenangans when he meets Jason Segel.

The point is that it is important to have friends, good friends, best friends. Not just to fill a spot at your wedding but to have another person to hang out with, talk to, be real with. (That's also why significant others should be your friend too!)

This is my shout out (hahahaha I hate shout outs, why can't you just tell people? I don't know, I guess I don't get it) to all of my friends: I appreciate everything and can never thank you enough for being my friend.

Post a comment sil tu plait [French, meaning please]!

kAYLe

rEaL wOrlD

The last Real World (on MTV) is disgusting.
There's been a history of pranks throughout the season. The girls decided to pull a bunch of pranks on the guys to "give them what they deserve."
They put dish soap in the milk.
Crumbled up dog treats in the cereal.
Milk in their packed boxes.
And dish water (i think) on the chicken.

These are not pranks, to begin with.
The guys figure out what has happened (via preparing and taking a bite of cereal) and they deliberate and decide that JD had done it. They even confronted the girls, telling them what they thought. They didn't own up to it...they let him take the fall...and even encouraged them.
They flat out lied!

It's sickening.

Eventually the guys find out that it was the girls and the girls continue to lie. They're straight up caught and are still lying!!!!!!!

It's gross. Despicable. And I'm also tired of JD constantly yelling and pointing his finger. It's very annoying. Heheheheh.

In the end they are all happy.
I guess that's the way it kind of had to end though, out with a bang but a happy bang.

What you thinkin bout?

bReFesT! mmmMM

Don't worry, it's spelled right! I don't call the morning meal (or traditional food that you eat in the morning) breakfast. It's brefest! Hahahaha it's more fun to say.

Right now, it's toaster strudel (of the strawberry persuasian [because now you cen get bigger packages but only in the basic flavors]).

Scrambled eggs with cheese are good.

Or any kind of "kid" cereal you can think of. (Fruity Pebbles, Coco Puffs, Reeses' Puffs, etc.)

Quiche, pastries, bagels with cream cheese, ooh! waffels!!! Especially Belgian Waffels with the fruit and whipped cream. Fresh Fruit, Breakfast (the word is allowed here) Burritos. [I like that I've made these into proper nouns!]

Brefest is easily one of my most favorite meals/foods to eat! What's yours?