dEnSe, dArK fOrEst & oVeRGroWtH

mY liStEn: the fear [lily allen]; undiscovered [James Morrison]; stand in the rain [Superchick]

mY rEaD: the element [Ken Robinson, Ph.D.]

mY tHinK: confusion and no idea where i'm walking

I woke up this morning after a fragmented sleep. I realize that I keep waking up, lately, with a confused and uninspired attitude. Without a job (and, therefore, that being my ultimate job for the day) I find that I do not know where to begin. I have no classes to attend, no job to go to, no interviews, no friends or family to visit and convince them to console my self pity.

I feel like I'm just constantly waiting. Waiting for a call, interview, SOMETHING to happen. Weeks have passed and I do not feel that sense of moving. Moving through time--I keep thinking that it is the end of May where I last moved and have since seemed to remain stagnant in my life. But, at the same time, I feel that something big is coming. I just don't know what it is. strange

Is there such a thing as having too much expectation? I kind of think so. I almost called it hope but I realize that hope and expectation are not the same, or are they close to the same? I don't think so: hope seems to lead to a feeling of wanting it to happen while expectation seems to lead to a feeling of it definitely happening with a matter of when [although we're really to impatient to think so realistically about the matter of when because it could be a while.]

Back to my point about expectation though. I think that if we expect so soon and so often then we forget about the other opportunities that are staring us down.

I'm reading this book called The Element [Ken Robinson, Ph.D.] The book discusses a lot about finding your passion and basically how drawing outside the lines can help one realize one's potential. It is not always easy and not always conventional but it works for the specific person.

What I like is that it does not necessarily say that we've all got it completely wrong but that the conventional way of functioning is not right for everyone and stiffling someone's different intellect and creativity can restrict something amazing. I'm only on chapter three so maybe the message [or my interpretation rather] will change a little bit. I find that it is fantastically interesting though. I recommend it if for no other reason than to talk to me about it. :)

Have you ever felt like you do not know quite where you're walking? Not in the literal sense necessarily. "They" say that we're all on different "paths", indicating that we are perhaps walking these paths. So if that is the metaphor for our lives then, how would you talk about a person who has no idea where they're going, what path they're on now, what path they're taking next, where they just were a path ago? This is what I am referring to when I say that I am walking with no idea where I'm walking.

I am a little afraid to admit that I am unsure of the previous path that I was on last week and I am unsure of the one I am on now or if I will change spontaneously [and soon] without realizing the difference.

Right now, it is as though I am walking through a dark, dense forest. It all appears to be pretty much the same so I don't feel like I'm going very far or maybe I'm just turning circles. I cannot tell what is ahead and another path may go unnoticed because it is overgrown with vegetation; so I keep following the same worn path, not realizing that there is something else to be discovered.

hmmmm... I'm going to have to ponder that some more.

That is definatly the best analogy for where I am right now.

Maybe I should work on that :[

I'm going for now. Let me in on your thoughts.

kAYLe!